Unfortunately, too many couples enter marriage with a "consumer mentality," each
person focusing on his or her own happiness rather than that of his or her
partner. In other words, "I'll marry this person because of what he or she will
give to me."
God's
Purposes
God's
purposes for marriage are much higher and greater than our own. In Genesis 2:18
when God said it is not good for man to be alone, He created Eve as an answer to
that aloneness. Even though Adam had a perfect relationship with God, a perfect
environment, and had all the possessions he wanted there was still a void of
intimacy in Adam's life. This intimacy blends two individuals into oneness and
sameness. Eve was made for Adam to become a suitable helper, a woman that would
complement and complete him in every way. In all of life's struggles, pain, and
disappointment, you will need each other's companionship and intimacy. This
intimacy develops from an attitude of servanthood in seeking to meet each
other's needs and desires.
You can only
have this attitude as you realize that your ultimate well-being depends on God
and not fully on your spouse. Only when I allow my relationship with God to be
the most important relationship in my life can I find a sense of security,
fulfillment, and satisfaction that does not depend on my husband's response. I
can love Byron out of the love I received from Christ and then use that love to
help meet needs in my husband's life.
God ordained
marriage to be an earthly picture of the relationship between Christ and the
Church. Jesus Christ's love for the Church, according to Ephesians 5, is
sacrificial and unconditional. He laid down His life to present the church, His
bride, whole and complete. Likewise, when a husband and wife love each other as
they do their own bodies, nurturing and caring for each other, they live out the
beautiful picture of Christ's oneness with the Church.
Understanding
the Purpose
Our journey
in understanding God's purpose for marriage has been filled with ups and downs
and many pleasant surprises as well as heartaches along the way. And I write
with a heart of gratitude to God for giving me a wonderful and fulfilling
marriage characterized by intimacy and oneness.
Every engaged
couple enters their wedding day with hopes of a satisfying and close
companionship together. Why is it, then, that for many excited newlyweds their
hopes fade as the years go by and isolation replaces oneness? Neither feels
loved, respected, or understood? Romance is replaced with boredom? Good
marriages don't just fall out of the sky; they require commitment.
For those who
seek His wisdom above their own, He has a plan and provides the power to live it
out. Proverbs 24:3-4 says it best, " By wisdom a house is built and through
understanding it is established, through knowledge it's rooms are filled with
rare and beautiful treasures." Where does this wisdom come from? Proverbs 2:6
says "For the Lord gives wisdom and from His mouth comes knowledge and
understanding." So, dependence on God is foundational to a healthy marriage.
The task of
developing oneness will probably be one of the most challenging jobs you will
ever face in developing a healthy marriage. Apart from a personal relationship
with Jesus Christ, oneness in your marriage will never be fully realized. After
all, it was God who created marriage for our well-being. Therefore, His plans,
purposes, and ways can be trusted. God gently reminds us in Jeremiah 29:11, "I
know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not
to harm you plans to give you a future and a hope."
Even in the
midst of God's plan, our marriage has not been easy. Life's disappointments and
irritations and our own self-centeredness remind us often how much we need a
Savior. It makes sense that so many marriages fail in America; since Christ is
not central for most couples and a consumer view of marriage is the norm,
self-centeredness erodes intimacy and companionship. Without Christ, the vows
promised at the altar can never be fully realized.
The key to a
healthy marriage is for each of you to focus on becoming the person God created
you to be. As author David Egner states, "The issue is not just what our Lord
says about marriage. Solutions are found by discovering what He has said about
basic issues of faith and character and then applying those perspectives to the
seasons of marriage."
It is our
prayer in the coming months of preparation for your wedding day, that the
consuming details of the ceremony, the showers, the invitations, the honeymoon,
etc. will not overshadow the more important matter of preparing your heart for a
lifetime of intimacy and companionship with your spouse. And on your wedding
day, when you begin your vow…"I take thee to be my wedded husband (or wife)…"
may you fully understand the significance of your words.
by Byron & Carla Weathersbee, Legacy Family
Ministries, Waco, TX. All rights reserved.